Less than Trash
by UnknownUnseenUnheard
Summary: Those that abandoned their mission, who failed to follow orders, they were trash. Those that abandoned and betrayed their comrades, however, were less than trash. Kakashi Hatake was fine with being trash, since it was better than the alternative. He refused to fail his Sensei, even for a second, and the Hokage and his council be damned
1. Kakashi's Resolve

A/N: This one has been in my head for…. A few hours haha. I was divided between making a story like this for either Kakashi or Minato. I'll probably toss Minato in later on to be honest. He's one of my favorites

If I do make a parallel one for Minato, that one is going to be noticeably darker than this

Anyways, enjoy (:

Published: 11/28/2017

Warnings: None so far

* * *

 ** **Chapter 1****

 **Kakashi's Resolve**

Those that abandon their mission for such a stupid reason as sentimentality were trash. Emotions had no place in the brutal existence of the Shinobi World. They weren't thinkers or philosophers. Such a concept would only get you killed. Shinobi had one purpose, and one purpose only.

Coming up with new and inventive ways to kill each other. That was what it meant to be a genius in the Shinobi world.

So, for that reason, a Shinobi was not expected to think. A Shinobi was not expected to contradict one's orders. They were expected to follow them to a t, no matter the price.

Yes, you could save a comrade, but at what price?

Sakumo Hatake had chosen to save his allies. Sakumo Hatake had chosen sentimentality over practicality. Sakumo Hatake's actions had led to the death of thousands, his failure being the starting point of effects that led to the Third Shinobi War.

Such horrors born from an act of light. Sakumo, at first, hadn't believed it. How could saving a life of someone he valued lead to so much carnage, so much destruction? No one else had believed it either. Not at first. Not until the bodies started piling all around them, not until it finally hit home.

The village had vilified him without mercy. Kakashi couldn't exactly blame them. Not really. Not as the mountain of corpses grew, over and over and over again. War is brutal, and Shinobi excelled in it. They had practiced the art of slaughtering each other endlessly for so many hundreds of years that no one even remembered when it had began.

From his father, Kakashi had learned that abandoning the mission was never acceptable. To abandon the mission would be to become trash, because the unintended consequences could have far reaching consequences.

Obito, however, had taught Kakashi something equally important. Something that resonated in his mind now. Something important, something vital.

"Kakashi Hatake, you are ordered to stay away from the Jinchuriki Naruto Uzumaki."

Koharu Utatane. The most ancient Kunoichi in existence bar Chiyo of Suna, the old woman commanded an air of strength and respect around her. Her words carried a heavy threat in them. The look in the woman's eyes was clear.

Disobey, and I will break you.

Kakashi didn't doubt it. Konoha's Torture and Interrogation squad had been found by the woman, after all. She would break him a hundred times over until, at long last, even he, the great Copy-Nin, begged for death.

"It is this council's decision that Naruto Uzumaki will grow among the civilian populace. He will be treated as such, until the time comes when he can become a proper asset for this village."

Homura Mitokado. The Survivor. Coward, however, would likely be a better term. Crafty, like a true Shinobi, in an all out battle Homura would likely fall to a Chunin. It didn't matter in the slightest. Entire Anbu Squads and an army of Hunter Nins couldn't catch the man. Immortal, if only for his mastery of running away.

Which, really, made him the perfect partner for Koharu. A ninja could run as far as they wanted. Homura knew all the tricks, all the tactics, and he would find you. He would find you, and Koharu would break you.

At least, that's how it had been before. As aged as they were, Kakashi doubted they had the stamina for a drawn out clash.

"We will not influence young Naruto-Kun." The Third Hokage took a puff from his pipe. "Should he chose to be a Shinobi, so be it. Should he chose to be a civilian, so be it."

Kakashi noted his colleagues seemed to gleam at the idea of a civilian Naruto. It took every ounce of skill not to scoff. Of course it pleased them.

Naruto was a Jinchuriki. To these old fossils, that meant he was meant to be kept under lock and key, away from the rest of the world. Konoha had never sent a Jinchuriki into battle using the Kyuubi's Chakra, and they didn't intend for it to happen at all.

That, truly, why was Konoha was so feared. They were the strongest, the most powerful, the fiercest of all, and it wasn't because they held the Kyuubi no Kitsune. No. It was because their Ninja could take down a rampaging Bijuu and only the Kyuubi had been enough to take out their celebrated Fourth Hokage.

Stern eyes gazed at him.

"Is that clear, Kakashi Hatake?"

Kakashi's face was a serene mask. His body language gave away nothing. The picture form of a complacent, obedient Shinobi before their Kage.

"Crystal, Hokage-Sama."

Follow the mission. Do as commanded. Do as ordered. To not do so would lead to unintended consequences. Trust in the wisdom of your leaders, because to not do so will lead to pain and anguish.

As Kakashi departed, only then did he let a snarl leave his lips.

Yes, to abandon your mission made you trash. To turn against the flow made you a danger. In this world, the Shinobi survived by being a well oiled machine, moving in sync because any other way would lead to anguish. This was the way it had always been.

It was a way Kakashi rejected.

The words of Obito Uchiha, that stupid baka, rang in his head. Words that had never mattered more now that it was Sensei's son, because Sensei's son was all Kakashi had left.

Those that betray their comrades are worse than trash.

Kakashi might be trash, he acknowledged. However, he refused to be less than that. He would not fail his Sensei. He wouldn't. Not a chance, no matter what the fucking Hokage said.

Naruto Uzumaki, Kakashi decided, would not be raised alone. He refused to allow it.


	2. The Orphanage

A/N: The Matron here is named after a side character from Blue Exorcist. Not a particularly important one, but still.

Also, I couldn't actually find a reference to Naruto casually being put in an orphanage. Or having any caregiver at all, period. Maybe the wiki is missing info?

I mean, he did get an apartment pretty soon. That was clear. But what about when e was a baby?

The only orphanage that's listed is the one Kabuto grew up in. But, as far as we know, Kabuto and Naruto never knew each other at all, not even in passing, so I'm running off the assumption that there is more than one orphanage

Published: 12/03/2017

Warnings: Delusions of a paranoid old woman

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **The Orphanage**

Kage Bushin no Jutsu.

Of the many inventions of the Nidaime Hokage, perhaps this was the most important. The most powerful, the most potent of the many Jutsu Tobirama Senju had developed. Many would argue otherwise, because, really, what were Kage Bushin in the face of Tobirama's other creations? The Nidaime had been nothing short of a genius, perhaps the greatest genius the Shinobi World had ever known, beyond even the wonders of Minato Namikaze. The Yondaime had built from what was around him. The Nindaime, on the other hand, had created Jutsu from scratch, Jutsu that still influenced Shinobi to this day.

After all, the man had reportedly created a technique capable of calling the dead from the beyond. Such power was unnatural. Kakashi was somewhat tempted to learn the Impure Resurrection, if only because he had the urge to see what his Sensei would do to Konoha.

Konohagakure no Sato was an insult to Minato Namikaze's memory.

Kakashi seethed at the very thought of it all.

His Sensei was dead and gone. He had sacrificed himself for them, for all for all of them, and how had they responded? How had they honored his Sensei's last wish, his Sensei's living legacy?

Kakashi supposed the blame could not be placed entirely on the people. The blame also lay squarely on the shoulders of the Sandaime. After all, the bastard had let slip that Naruto was a Jinchurki easily enough without consequently buffering the blow with knowledge that Naruto was also the son of their beloved Yondaime. At the same time, Hiruzen Sarutobi had methodologically suppressed any mention of the Uzumaki Clan to the point where they were little less than a memory in only those that dug deep enough past the lies and deceit.

Kakashi was tempted, very tempted indeed, to muster an assassination attempt against the old coot. The only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that he would no doubt fail. Against a monster like the Sandaime, Kakashi knew even he had no chance. While Sarutobi no longer had the stamina for a prolonged battle, Kakashi knew that when Minato-Sensei had been elected Hokage, his final task before getting the hat was to win a fight against the God of the Shinobi.

As much as Kakashi hated to admit it, the Sandaime had earned his moniker. Kakashi wouldn't dare attempt something so direct. Or even indirect, for they were Shinobi, after all, and Sarutobi could very damn well trace it back to Kakashi.

Instead, Kakashi would use the wonders of the Kage Bushin no Jutsu against the old man. Frankly, it was such an underrated art and so few understood its near limitless potential. Kakashi was a genius in his own right, however, so easily seeing where a technique could be improved was child's play to him. To do so, he would have to apply another well known and little used technique for maximum effect.

The regular Henge was nothing but an illusion. Years later, Naruto Uzumaki would display a shapeshifting skill unparalleled by any except perhaps Jugo of the Scales, but for the time being the Henge was widely recognized as merely being an illusionary practice. A shroud of deception, because that is what Ninja were. Those that deceive. Kakashi himself could, if he poured enough Chakra into it, make it look like a real transformation but such techniques were usually specific to clans.

Such as the Akimichi and their ability to expand or the Inuzuka with their ability to become feral and animalistic.

However, there in turn came the wonders of the Kage Bushin no Jutsu. Kakashi was sure even Tobirama Senju had not seen the utter raw power of the technique he had developed. Yes, the Kage Bushin would fade easily enough to a proper hit. But, that was not the wonder of the technique.

If one molded their Chakra correctly, and Kakashi Hatake was a master of controlling his Chakra and making it do exactly what he wanted to do, the potential was limitless.

A solid clone shimmered into existence. There was no tell tale poof behind it's arrival. Just a fuzzy haze that solidified rather quickly into the form Kakashi willed it to take.

Kakashi had discovered a way to circumvent the flaws of a Henge rather spectacularly. The simplest way was to apply both techniques, Henge and Kage Bushin, and therefore creating what he now saw before him.

A miniature child stood before him, constructed purely from Kakashi's Chakra. Dark blue hair, shinning blue eyes, and a rather bland face that you'd see one second and forget the next.

Kakashi smirked.

The Nidaime had, unknowingly, constructed a technique that could literally create anything from Chakra when applied correctly. Yes, Kage Bushin were prone to bursting into smoke if struck hard enough, but such a simply flaw could easily be corrected by condescending the Chakra further.

Of course, there was such a thing as Chakra that was too dense. Kakashi understood that very well. For each and every thing you construct using this method, you have to put in a precise amount of Chakra, or it doesn't work. Too little, it's easy to dispel. Too much, and it's likely to explode.

Within the Uchiha Compound, Itachi Uchiha sneezed as he had the strange urge to attack a certain silver haired Jonin for stealing one of his ideas before he could even come up with it himself.

Just enough Chakra, and you have something solid that can only be destroyed by a killing blow.

How, then, did Kakashi get the exact right measure of Chakra?

Simple.

Kakashi's Sharingan spun lazily in his eye.

"You know what to do."

The gaki before him tensed, gave a brief military salute, then was gone in the flash of an eye. Kakashi whistled, pulling out his favorite novel and giggled perversely.

What? He was fifteen. He was a growing boy, after all.

* * *

Why that wretched demon brat had been placed with them was beyond the Matron. Maki Angeline ran a tight ship, and having that freak among them was not good for her constitution. Not at all.

What was the Hokage thinking, leaving that Abomination among real children? Didn't he understand that there was no possible way that was still a child?

What child's mind could stand against the terrible, twisted might of Kyuubi no Yoko? Only a fool would believe that. Only a fool would believe that a mere babe could contain such twisted evil and still survive. No. That was a child no longer. Maki actually felt a pang of sorrow for the brat, but it was reality.

The Yondaime had murdered a child. There was no other way around it. He had murdered a child by imposing the destructive soul of a Bijuu into the child's body, therefore destroying its mind before it even had a chance to develop.

That was what Maki would tell herself as he ignored the screeching from the chi- Kyuubi. The child was no more. All that was left was Kyuubi.

Red and furious and blood, so much blood. It's screams piercing the heavens above, such a terrible presence. Such terrible Chakra. No. That Abomination that they kept in the back corner of the orphanage was no child. It was a monster, the same monster that had taken her family, that had ravaged the countryside, that had filled the halls of the orphanage so much they had to open a second building.

The child was dead. Of that, Maki had no doubt. She knew very well why they couldn't just kill the Kyuubi as well within its broken vessel. Should the vessel die, the Kyuubi would eventually regain its monstrous form and wreck havoc upon the world once more.

Such a twisted animal. Condemning them all, mocking them by taking the form of the Yondaime. The Sandaime was losing his mind. That Abomination should have been kept under lock and key, not let loose around other children.

Never mind the fact that he was just a child. Never mind the fact that he was less than that, too young to even be considered a toddler. Naruto Uzumaki was the Kyuubi reborn, sealed into human flesh and-

And he had stopped crying.

Maki froze.

Then, to her dread, she heard giggles. The Abomination was giggling. Abandoning the other children to the other orphanage wardens without another thought, Maki rushed forth towards the room they had sealed the Abomination into. The Sandaime may have been a fool, but Maki was not.

She had left the monster alone in hopes that it would die. She rarely fed it, rarely changed its diapers, letting it wallow in filth. Annoyingly, they had to feed it every once in awhile or the Hokage would come down upon them with a brutal display of dictatorial power, but had Naruto been a normal child instead of an Uzumaki the malnutrition they had inflicted upon him would have killed him by now.

In Maki's mind, it was further proof that the child was not human rather that proof that she herself had let herself become a monster.

Tears they could ignore because tears were a lie to draw the innocent in.

However, if it was giggling, it might have gotten lose. It might have drawn a poor unsuspecting soul towards it, destroying it even now. Her heart shuddered at the thought of what horrible things it might be doing to the other children.

A brief image of a child, soaked in blood and giggling as he splashed about in it, glowing eyes looking at her shot through Maki's mind and she doubled her speed.

Then, finally reaching her destination, Maki slammed the door open, her heart thudding against her chest and her dark eyes wide as she glanced around.

Maki did a double take. Then another.

"What do you think you are doing! Let go of that thing! It's dangerous!"

Maki, ever a guardian of her wards, made to end this atrocity here and now. Unfortunately, the dark haired boy jumped out of her reach rapidly, giving her a glare.

"Shh. You'll wake Naruto-chan."

Then, the boy that was cradling the Abomination in his arms while humming along at it in a tune Maki didn't recognize. Maki watched in shock as sleepy blue eyes closed.

The boy had put the demon brat to sleep. The boy was cradling the demon brat in his arms without a care in the world, holding it close, and for once the demon brat looked content. Instead of screeching with lungs that could only be demonic, it was smiling in its sleep.

Idiot boy!

The Matron snarled as she stalked forth.

The boy, couldn't be older than four really, backed up away from her, cobalt eyes shooting her a glare.

"You don't know what that thing is, boy! Now, set it down and get away if you know what's good for you!" Maki snapped.

The child's glare intensified, becoming cold and frightening. That wasn't the look a child held. No child had a stare like that. Maki flinched back slightly under the weight of it.

"You'll wake Naru-chan. Stop it. Isn't he a cute little baby?"

Then, the boy began to coo at the demon.

Maki's blood froze in her veins. This was what she had feared. She had feared keeping the demon brat in this place around all these innocent children for this very reason. The demon had no doubt ensnared this poor child's mind to its will, and there was nothing she could do about it!

After all, if she even dared tell the child the reality, that he was holding Kyuubi no Yoko in his arms, that fool of a Hokage would have her executed. The last Matron was killed because she had deemed it prudent to warn the staff of the demonic nature of their newest charge when the Hokage had elected to deceive them.

Not that it mattered anymore. Everyone knew. Everyone, but the children. Children like the boy standing before her now. Innocent and untouched by the darkness of the Shinobi World.

"You don't understand, child." Maki's voice now churned with fear. "That boy-"

"Is a baby." The child cut across flatly. "You're a monster. When's the last time yah changed his diaper? Ew. No wonder he was crying!"

Then, to Maki's ever increasing horror, the child began to fuss over the Abomination.

And that was how Konoha's Orphanage gained yet another child into its ranks, and also how Naruto Uzumaki gained a surrogate brother.


	3. The Bodyguard

A/N: Hi guys!

So, I was informed that Danzo apparently did the leaking. The wikia matches this, but you have to look at his specific article to find it, since it's not anywhere else for whatever reason. He did it in one of the Naruto novels, which I didn't know existed tbh, and did it around the time of the Uchiha Massacre.

…

Which doesn't really make much sense, since Naruto was an outcast before that, but I digress. In this story, he's the one who leaked it, but he did it earlier, before the Uchiha Massacre.

Apparently, he did it because he believed Konoha would be strongest if they had someone to concentrate their hatred and their anger on. Right. Which would work. If the target wasn't a child who could and did become the strongest ninja the village had ever seen. What does through that man's head? I swear

Anyways, rant over! Moving on with the story!

Published: 1/13/2018

Warnings: Twisted mind games

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **The Bodyguard**

Naruto Uzumaki couldn't stand living in the Orphanage. Miss Angeline was so mean. At first, Naruto had thought he himself was the problem, because what child wouldn't? Adults were people you trusted. Bigger, stronger, older humans. A child looks up to their elders. It's only natural.

Well, at least, before the teenage years hit. At that point, a kid continues to look up at their elders… Before turning their nose away in disgust, because grownups are stupid and don't understand simple, simple things.

So, yes, at first, Naruto had assumed that he was the problem. And, why wouldn't he? Miss Angeline treated every other kid in the Orphanage with such love and care, yet, when it came to Naruto, her eyes seemed to glow with content and just a touch of fear.

Well. It was better than Mr. Neuhaus. That man had once set a summon on him while whistling innocently about how it had all been an accident.

Anyways, Naruto had originally believed that the way Miss Angeline treated him was his fault. It was the natural assumption. Was he not good enough? Was he a bad kid? Was he just plain ugly? Did he do something terrible in a past life that deserved punishment in this one?

A hundred years earlier, Hashirama paused above Madara's corpse, and considered crushing his former friends eyes before reconsidering it. Nah, he wouldn't desecrate his friend's dead body, even if in the Ninja World letting those eyes continue existing might come to bite him later on. Nothing bad would come from it, right?

However, Rin-niisan had assured him rather plainly that that wasn't the case when Naruto had brought it up. The older boy had frowned before hands had gripped Naruto's shoulders and dark blue eyes had stared right into his own.

"Naruto. Some people in this world… They're just stupid. They hear rumors, and they make assumptions, and they go off of that instead of getting to know someone. Miss Angeline is like that. She doesn't know anything about you, not really, and just assume she does." Rin had explained.

Naruto's face scrunched up in confusion.

"But… What rumors?" Naruto asked. It was a genuine question. What rumors could Miss Angeline possibly have heard to make her hate him? Naruto was four. What kind of rumors could possibly be floating around about a four year old?

Rin-niisan's face darkened. The hands on his shoulder squeezed a bit. Then, he glanced around a few times, seemingly checking if anyone was around. Naruto leaned in, curious. Then, Rin-niisan leaned in, like he was about to whisper some great and wondrous secret to Naruto. Naruto, eager to learn more, titled his head in attentiveness.

"Pass the Academy Entrance Exam and I might just tell you." Rin-niisan said instead.

Naruto nearly fell over before whacking him. Rin, of course, just laughed as Naruto growled. One of the other matrons turned her head and looked on in fear.

"Meany head, meany head! Tell me!"

"I don't know, sheesh! Why would I know? Old ladies are just dumb and they gossip a lot!"

"Liar! Tell me!"

Naruto swung again but Rin-niisan was gone. The four year old nearly toppled over before spinning around and glaring. There, a few feet away, Rin-niisan stood grinning.

"I'll talk. Maybe. Iffff you can catch me." the other boy gave a mischievous grin then spun around, taking off running.

Naruto twitched. The twitch didn't last for long before Naruto was right after him, fist swinging in the air.

"Hey! Get back here, jerk!"

* * *

Shisui Uchiha had been given a rather surprising task. Despite all the talk around the village of how the Uchiha just had to have been behind the Kyuubi Attack because, Uchiha, the Hokage had given him the strangest mission Shisui had ever been encharged with. The Uchiha could hardly believe the task being set before him.

"You want me to what?!"

Hiruzen Sarutobi, his face withered and old, took a huff out of his pipe. The smoke extended around them. Shisui's expression, with the masterful art of a Ninja, didn't shift, although he really wished the Hokage wouldn't smoke so much. Okay, so he didn't mind if the Hokage smoked. But, Shisui would prefer if he didn't smoke around him, not that Shisui could say that.

He didn't get why people enjoyed the practice. Sure, nicotine was relaxing, but the smell of smoke reminded Shisui far too much of charged bodies, which, as a veteran of the Third Shinobi War, he'd been around way many times for comfort.

The Sandaime met Shisui's gaze head on. This wasn't something many were willing to do. It wasn't something many were comfortable with, meeting the gaze of an Uchiha. Sure, Shisui's Sharingan was currently deactivated, but all it would take would be a tiny little pulse of Chakra.

All it would take would be that tiny little pulse, and Shisui would be pinned to the ground and stabbed a dozen times over by the Hokage's personal guard.

"I want you to guard over Naruto-kun. I want you to follow his every move, shadow his every action. I want you to protect him to keep him safe." Sarutobi repeated.

Shisui honestly didn't know what to say to that. What exactly was he supposed to say to it, anyways? What on earth was the Hokage thinking, anyways? Didn't the Hokage understand the repercussions of this, didn't he understand how badly things could explode in their face?

The suspicion against the Uchiha Clan was already mounting. The Clan themselves were starting to grow tired of it, weary of it, and Shisui couldn't blame them. He supposed he'd started it, even before the Kyuubi attack when he'd decided to test his new Mangekyo on the Daimyo's wifes cat, but still. No one had ever actually traced that back to him.

For generations to come, Genin far and wide across Konoha would curse Tora, and curse whatever had turned Tora into such a wild beast.

"You want me, an Uchiha," Shisui stressed the word, earning an arched eyebrow from his Kage, "to be the Village Jinchuriki's Bodyguard." Shisui finished, his words seemingly screaming with what he had left unsaid. With how utterly insane it was to even consider making Shisui Naruto's bodyguard.

The Hokage, however, didn't seem to hear it at all. Instead, the old man merely nodded and Shisui briefly questioned if age and stress was finally, at long last, getting to their leader. It was a distinct possibility, and one Shisui was slowly but surely becoming more convinced of.

Maybe Danzo really was the saner one.

…

Nah. Nope. Not in a million years.

"Yes. I believe you, Shisui, are the best one for it." Sarutobi spoke, setting the pipe down as he rested his elbows upon his desk. Fingers crossing, the old man looked at Shisui with an expression of utter seriousness that Shisui almost believed him for a moment. Almost. Except, Shisui was no fool. He hadn't survived the Third War by being a fool. No.

Shunshin no Shisui had survived because he was cunning. He had survived because he was strong. He had survived because he had been quick on his feet just like he had been quick to think, quick to ponder, quick to realize. He had survived while so many others had died.

Survived, and gained a 'trophy' other members of his Clan would have killed for. Literally.

So, Shisui wasn't fooled for a second by the nice old grandfather act. No ninja worth their kunai would fall for that trick. Hiruzen Sarutobi was just as cunning, just as conniving. One had to be to survive being around Danzo Shimura, of all people, and holding the seat of power that the other man obviously craved.

The Hokage didn't believe Shisui was the best man for the job. No. Sarutobi was up to something else. The what, Shisui wasn't sure. Not yet.

"Wouldn't Kakashi be better for such an assignment?" Shisui offered.

It was an open secret that Kakashi of the Sharingan had been ordered to stay away from the Village Jinchuriki. Why, no one was particularly sure, but the day the order had come down Kakashi had been found at one of the local bars, drinking his woes away and leaning on Gai, of all people, while complaining loudly to anyone that would listen that he hadn't been allowed to adopt the Uzumaki brat.

Why Kakashi wanted to in the first place, no one really knew. Suspected, sure, but knew? Not that anyone questioned it anymore. Hell, as far as the Village was concerned, the Kakashi Bar Incident was hearsay and had never happened.

Shisui knew it wasn't hearsay. He'd recorded the whole bloody thing with his Sharingan.

The Hokage frowned, shaking his head.

"I'm afraid not. Kakashi's position on the subject is… Compromised. I need a neutral party for this, Shisui-kun."

'... I'm your idea of a neutral party!?'

Shisui, of course, didn't actually say that outloud. That wouldn't have gone over very well, all things considered. Crazy village leader or not, Shisui was expected to respect the old man's authority.

"I see." Shisui answered instead, form stiff.

Sarutobi smiled.

"It's very simple, Shisui-kun. I need someone like you. Someone as quick and as invisible as the smoke in the air. Someone I can trust. A loyal Shinobi, who has proven his worth to Konoha a thousand times over. A Shinobi that, should need be, can use his… Abilities… To calm Naruto-kun."

Shisui felt his blood run cold as the Hokage continued to smile.

Calm Naruto-kun.

That's how the Hokage described it.

Only years of witnessing bodies being torn apart before his very eyes kept Shisui from turning around and letting loose the contents of his stomach. The Hokage wanted him to use his Sharingan on a kid. On a child. Maybe the Hokage didn't understand exactly what he was asking, but it wouldn't be as simple as Shisui just staring Naruto into submission if the seal started leaking.

No.

When a Jinchuriki begins to lose control, their Chakra spikes off the charts. It's a chaotic mess that shatters Genjutsu. Forcing Naruto to submit in such a state would cause more harm that good. Forcing Naruto to submit would mean Shisui would have to build a path in Naruto-kun's mind, and enforce it over time to make sure it was nice and solid.

In Naruto's case, it would have to be made of titanium. Nothing else would stand the force of wild out of control Chakra from the most powerful of the Bijuu.

Elsewhere, Tobi didn't bat an eyelash as he began the long process of forcibly ensaring a child to his will.

The idea made Shisui sick. He didn't show it, though. Hopefully, the Hokage wasn't aware of these details. Hopefully, he, like everyone else, assumed that the Uchiha just had the magical power to make Jinchuriki submit because they had really pretty eyes.

The Hokage tilted his head, a knowing gleam in those old eyes.

"I'm sure you understand what you must do, Shisui-kun."

Holy hell. Well, screw it. Shisui would feign ignorance. And, who knows. Maybe the Hokage wasn't aware of all those nitty gritty little details like Shisui was. And, even if he was, Shisui refused. As long as he wasn't defying a direct order, it technically wasn't treason, right?

So, instead, Shisui just bowed his head and spoke.

"Crystal, Hokage-sama."


	4. The Tail

A/N: I was very, very tempted to name Shisui's alias Yukio, which would, of course, have brought the Blue Exorcist references up to four, I believe?

Published: 3/28/2018

Warnings: An anime spoiler which, personally, I found really dumb

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **The Tail**

It did not take Kakashi long to realize that Naruto had gained a rather efficient tail. A rather efficient tail that even Kakashi, of all people, was having a hard time keeping track of.

Holy hell, what were they teaching kids these days? True, Kakashi himself had been a Genin by the age of five, but this was getting ridiculous.

Child prodigy this, child prodigy that, blah blah blah.

Whatever.

All that mattered was that Naruto-kun had somehow gained a stalker. True, as the village Jinchuriki it was downright normal for Anbu and the such to trail behind Naruto on occasion, but this? This was different. This one was taking a rather different approach than the typical 'hide out in the shadows and watch from afar' tactic the Anbu favored.

How did Kakashi know this?

"Rin-niisan! Meet my new friend! This is Karma-kun!"

Kakashi took one look at this so called Karma-kun. Red hair, mischievous eyes, and a lazy smile. Kakashi disliked him immediately.

That's not surprising.

Kakashi did not like children. Never had, never would. Naruto was a unique exception to the rule. He was the only exception, although that did tend to depend on the time of day and the current alignment of the stars. Kakashi loved Naruto, he really did, but Naruto could be one annoying little brat when he put his mind to it.

Which was why Kakashi was fond of setting Naruto on people that had displeased him.

Kakashi had never claimed to be a saint, although unleashing the pranking horror that was Naruto Uzumaki on anyone was probably an act that would get him a special reserved place in hell.

As Kakashi, or, rather, the Kakashi clone known as Rin took in Karma, it didn't take him long to realize that there was something… Off about the other boy. At first glance, there was nothing amiss at all, nothing strange, nothing out of the ordinary.

Just a young boy, around Naruto's age. He carried himself with a casual air of overconfidence, which no self respecting ninja did, not even a Kage. Overconfidence was the greatest weakness any ninja could have.

It only takes a single knife stroke to end a life.

It only takes a single slip up for a Genin to slay a Kage.

This kid looked just like that. An ordinary kid. Nothing amiss at all whatsoever. Regardless, Kakashi could feel something… Off. Years had trained him not to ignore even the smallest of instincts, and this instinct wasn't anything resembling 'small'.

So, Kakashi crossed his arms and glared. The so called Karma, if that was even his real name which, lets face it, probably wasn't, pouted at him.

"Hello, Rin-san. Naruto-kun has told me all about you! You're such a wonderful person, helping him all this time, especially when all the grownups are being so weird about it!"

Kakashi suppressed the growl from ripping past his lips. Luckily, before he could say anything himself, Naruto stepped in.

"Shut up!" Naruto snapped, face red, but not from anger, no. Blushing. Naruto was legitimately blushing. Kakashi resisted the urge to coo. He was an adult. Adults do not coo.

Years later, Kakashi would rant to anyone that listened about his 'cute little Genin', much to said Genin's embarrassment.

"Who're you and why have I never seen you before?" Kakashi instead said, jumping right to the point, arms crossed as he gazed at the other boy with unmasked suspicion.

"Nii-san!" Naruto cried, scandalized.

"It's okay, Naruto." The little liar said, placing a calming hand on Naruto's shoulder. Kakashi resisted the urge to tear of the arm belonging to said arm. "He's just worried, 'cause the grown ups are weirdos."

As if to prove his point, one of said adults purposely and with all the subtlety of a freight train barrelled right in between the pair of them, purposely shoving Karma away as far as he could from Naruto before shooting Naruto a dirty look and scurrying off.

Naruto blinked.

"See, they're weird! Which makes you fascinating! Why do they act like that?" Karma turned towards Naruto, eyes curious.

This was obvious.

Too obvious.

Kakashi started to swear in the confines of his own head. He supposed he could try to play this as an overprotective brother figure, but he already suspected the 'boy' in front of him was a ninja in disguise.

A ninja that was all but baiting him.

Bait Kakashi would normally never, ever sink his teeth into, but that's exactly what he'd done, wasn't it? Well, Kakashi would just have to roll with it now. It's not like he had bitten in too deep.

He'd just responded to a casual greeting from a supposed preschooler with snared lips and crossed arms.

Naruto's expression became melancholy.

"I don' know. Nii-san knows, but he won't tell me until I get into the Academy! So, I'll be the greatest ninja ever, dattebeyo!"

Kakashi nearly fell over.

Holy hell.

If there was any doubt before that Naruto was the son of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki, it had been just tossed right out the window and through a couple of stone walls. Naruto had never even met his mother! How in the world was he emulating her beyond the grave?

(Within Naruto's seal, Kushina smirked.

"Kushina, honey, we don't have that much Chakra before we fade. Stop doing that thing where you influence our son's dreams."

"As if you're any better." Kushina rolled her eyes, turning to look at her husband. "You're half the reason he's obsessed with, well, you."

Minato paused.

"Hm. Touche.")

Kakashi was just glad Naruto had not said 'Dattabane'. He wasn't sure he could have kept his expression blank if he had.

Karma's eyes widened in surprise, gazing at Kakashi with new light. Knowing light before it faded, hidden behind a mask. A mask that had slipped for just a second, but that had been long enough.

Kakashi was not impressed.

"Oh, really? That's mean of him, don't you think? Making you wait like that about information that's about you?"

Oh hell no. Who did this brat think he was? Trying to turn Naruto against him? Well, Kakashi would teach him. He wasn't about to bow over to some random newcomer.

Naruto frowned, apparently having not considered this at all.

"Unless, of course, he was lying and was hoping he could find out by the time you get into the Academy, so he could have an excuse."

Twice. That was twice the kid had given Kakashi an out so far.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. Well then. If newbie wanted to play, he would oblige.

* * *

Several hours later, the real Kakashi stood before his favorite monument, the Memorial Stone. He had just gotten back from a mission, and of course, as usual, the first stop he'd made after delivering his report to the Hokage was to come here and tell Obito about it all. Well, the non clasified details, anyways.

How idiotic would Kakashi be to reveal important information out here in the open where anyone could possible hear if they managed to sneak up on him? Sure, it wasn't a likely scenario, but Kakashi wasn't willing to rule anything out.

In a certain filler arc of the anime, a teenage Kakashi sneezed after having told the Memorial Stone about Kushina's pregnancy while Tobi loitered around in the background.

Kakashi supposed that he might spend a little too much time contemplating the past and those he had lost instead of on the present, but they were what kept him going.

He was doing this for them.

Even if they were gone, Kakashi himself wasn't. If he had to carry their legacy on his back, then so be it. That was exactly what Kakashi would do.

It was then that the memories struck. Like clockwork, at the exact same time every single day, Kakashi's enhanced Kage Bunshin would unleash it's accumulated memories. True, it wasn't advisable to gain a day's worth of memories all at once, but Kakashi had learned to adapt to the rapid flow easily enough.

Except, this time, there was something… Off.

Kakashi blinked.

Then, he blinked again.

Kakashi resisted the urge to swear, loudly.

What in the hell had his clone been thinking?

Kakashi spun, marching towards the village.

* * *

Shisui groaned as he laid back. Henging himself as a kid all day long had been rather difficult, even for someone like him. Illusions always came naturally to the Uchiha, but keeping one up for that long was a rather draining thing. And, Shisui had kept the damn thing up for hours.

Thank the Sage that none of the Orphanage workers were members of the Hyuga Clan. Shisui was sure he'd have been caught right away.

Come to think of it, there was one person Shisui had deemed suspicious, although the how still eluded him.

Naruto's so called 'Rin-Niichan'.

That boy… Shisui groaned, turing over and burying his head in a pillow. Of course, the second the kid had shown up in the orphanage years ago, the Hokage had him tailed. Nothing in a ninja village happens without it's Kage being aware of it, not even some random kid appearing in the orphanage.

Especially when said random kid attached himself to the hip to the resident Jinchuriki.

By all accounts, Rin was a civilian. True, his Chakra level was rather high, but high by the standards of a civilian and nothing more. Even Shisui's Sharingan hadn't uncovered anything odd about the kid when Shisui had managed to activate it, even if only for a brief second.

To the Sharingan, a second is all the time in the world. It's all you need. It records and analysis at a speed that is completely ungodly, and it had taken Shisui less than that second to analyze Rin.

He looked completely and utterly normal.

His reaction to Shisui had been expected, too. Shisui had expected the brat to act defensive. He would have too, if Shisui was being honest. Shisui loved his village. He really did. He wouldn't have become a Shinobi, wouldn't have bled and fought for Konoha if he didn't.

But, seeing the way the villagers treated Naruto Uzumaki first hand with his own eyes, well…

Shisui wanted to turn his head and look away in shame.

Shisui could now see why Hatake had wanted to adopt Naruto all those years ago. That poor kid. Still, Shisui had a job to do. A long term one. He was the Jinchuriki's bodyguard.

On the bright side, even the Hokage could acknowledge that even Shinobi needed a break every once and awhile. An exhausted nin made for a nin that made mistakes, and that Hiruzen would not abide by. Not when it could have easily been avoided by a couple of hours of naptime.

Silently, Shisui wondered who the night guard was. Probably some random Anbu.

Ignoring the thought, Shisui rolled over.

Okay. So, first day on the job had been… Funner than expected. He wasn't entirely sure how he got dragged into a threeway prank war between him, Uzumaki, and Rin, but it had happened.

Silently, Shisui wondered if he would ever be allowed back into the market place again while disguised as Karma, or if the merchants there would scream and call the Police Force on his head.

Shisui shivered at the thought.

His henge was good, to the point where it looked and felt solid, but a henge was still a henge. It wouldn't hold against a dojutsu. One of those would rip right through it.

Shisui did not want to explain to the Clan Head what his new mission was. If there was one person in the world that Shisui trusted less than his Hokage, it was Fugaku Uchiha.

That thought alone sobered Shisui up.

Konoha… Really had it's dark secrets, shoved right under the bed, didn't it? A Kage that insinuated mind raping a kid into submission, and a Clan Head so hungry for power that Shisui had started hearing whispers, started hearing stories.

He hoped it wasn't real.

He hoped they were just rumors.

Shisui concluded that he'd ask Itachi. True, Itachi was just a little boy, almost a teen now, but he always did seem to be in the middle of things.

Shisui just hoped that they were just rumors.

There was literally no way Konoha would survive the chaos of an Uchiha Coup d'etat.

* * *

Kakashi gazed at the ruined marketplace.

A day. His clone had done this… In a day.

In a bloody day.

People were running around left and right, there was graffiti and paint in all directions, and Kakashi was pretty sure old man Yama's shop had been TP's into oblivion. He couldn't even see the shop.

Kakashi twitched, tilting his head up to the sky.

Clones really were troublesome.


End file.
